p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
