I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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