Is it because I queefed?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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