i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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