the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
