He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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