I am midnight drunk by noon
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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