did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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