I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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