She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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