we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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