i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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