In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
