Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
