how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
