quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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