I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
