My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think my moral compass just broke
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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