Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
