Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
