The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
