fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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