I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
