The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
