My nipple is on Facebook.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
