super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
