Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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