we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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