You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
