oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
