Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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