Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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