I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
