he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
