everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
