So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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