we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
