if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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