I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
