I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
