i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize