hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
