So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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