U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
two words...techno handjob
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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