i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
