I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
