on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We smell like vodka and hangover
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