she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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