i think my tv is drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
