Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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