Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
