when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
