This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
