and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
