you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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