she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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