are you still at the devil's house?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
