Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
