okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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