She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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