I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
