2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
last night I used snow as a chaser
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
