The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
