Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
