Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
