the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
