She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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