Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
