Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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