It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
