she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
