So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
